Borrowed Words

I am a thief.

Speechlessness overcomes when I least suspect it. For one whose specialty is chatter, these moments are rare. They usually come in my times of prayer when I am seized by the revelation that I am me and He is HIM. They are times when I find myself knocked over with my inability to say anything worthy, anything pure, anything selfless. That's when, like Jonah, I borrow words.

In Jonah 2, he finds himself enveloped in the underbelly of a sea creature. Jonah -- the guy who would rather be cast into the whirling waves than to talk to his God-- finally finds himself in the posture of prayer. And, when he doesn't know what to say, he steals prayers. He takes notes from Psalms 3, 5, 18, 30, 42, 69, 120 and 139. He recycles phrases spoken by his brother David. He makes them his own.

I do it too.

I am a mantra thief. I adopt words and characterize my existence with them. I repeat them to others. I pray them. I write them. I let them soak and shape entire periods of my life. A recent exercise had me thinking about all the words that have defined my last several years. If you know me and/or read my blog, you'll recognize a few as some pretty hefty themes:

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. (Psalm 119:8)

We loved you so dearly that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of God, but our very lives as well. (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

Earn the right to be heard. (Young Life)

I will remove from you a heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

I will give them a singleness of heart and of action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. (Jeremiah 32:39)

Do not be in a hurry to leave the king's presence. (Ecclesiastes 8:1)

Establish the works of our hands for us. (Psalm 90:17)

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might. (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

Pray that God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. (2 Thessalonians 1:11)

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. (Anne Lamott)

Labor and wait. (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

Proceed and be bold. (Rural studio)

I skim back over these words and I see flashbacks of a girl on her knees, speechless. I said these things because I knew not what else to say. I couldn't find my own words, so I slipped into these familiar ones again and again and again. They became my wardrobe. I wore them until the knee and elbow patches were spent. I clothed myself in them, finding myself warmed by the very thought that my hand-me-downs meant I shared in the fellowship and sufferings of others before me. They understood.

So, when I'm without inspiration, when I'm bone dry for original material, I borrow, I steal. Yes, I am a thief.