The Incredible Jerk

The picture above was taken of me at work today. It's become quite evident that as soon as I decide to be a more agreeable employee, to make more of an effort respect my co-workers and boss, I become that much more susceptible to losing it. Today, I took jerkiness to an all-time high. And the crazy thing is...I spent prayer time this morning concentrating on the very thing that I failed miserably to achieve. Am I a heretic to believe that I can possibly jinx my prayers? To think that in praying one thing, attention is called to my weakness, therefore increasing the chances that I will fall short. It happens again. And again. And again.

My work relationships are perpetually challenging- probably the most difficult thing on my plate at the moment. And, I know that through them, I am being taught a multitude of lessons, particularly about my sin and pride. It seems like the minute I acknowledge that I am being refined, my ugliness pokes its head out again. I just pray that I can be a gentle, even-tempered person. That I can really be "content with second place, quick to forgive and offense" (Colossians 3). These are the words that I began my day with, entering the workplace with hopes that I could and would spend less energy being against things. I read something that said the less time we spend in conflict, the more time and energy we have to invest in our creative growth.

With every fiber of my being, I know these things. I know that the Lord is removing my impurities, refining me with fire. But, I have never in my life been around people that challenge me to implement my faith in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g the way I feel so incapable of doing now.